5. Nintendo Jacket – Nothing says I’m an old, balding creepazoid like this Nintendo jacket featuring the iconic original NES controller. Couple this beauty with a good pair of black sweatpants and you’ll be calling the police to arrest the ladies off of you.

4. Retro Gaming Ties – These ties feature classic scenes from gaming’s golden era. From Tetris and Pong to Space Invaders and Asteroids—each one seems to be frowning in on itself a bit with shame. Seriously, even the aging folks who developed these classic games think these ties are nerdy.

3. Piranha Plant Underwear – These stylish, black underoos are perfect for those who are geeky to the absolute core. The famous Piranha Plant from the Super Mario Bros. series makes quite the statement when worn under some skinny jeans and complemented with some Chuck Taylors. It’s too bad no one except your dude friends and your mom will ever get to see them.

2. Contra Sweater – This Contra turtleneck sweater is just begging to be part of a dysfunctional family’s Christmas card. Featuring the ambiguously gay duo of Bill and Lance, this winter weather masterpiece says “hey, it’s cool; I actually prefer being a virgin.”

1. Super Mario Bros. Sweater Vest – Speaking of virgins, this little fella sets ‘em up and knocks ‘em down when he wears this hand-knit masterpiece from the 8-bit era. If I ever see this guy out in public I’m killing him myself.

Yesterday we asked FreekNation to vote: What game are you most looking forward to this year?

Some of your answers were disturbing (Hello Kitty Online), intriguing (Kinect Porno) and just plain racist (I am a Muslim). Rising to the top were most of the games you’d expect to see—but in an order that was somewhat surprising.

Here are the top 5 most anticipated games according to you:

• Grand Theft Auto 5 – 266 votes
• Halo 4 – 81 votes
• Next Call of Duty – 65 votes
• Diablo III – 47 votes
• Mass Effect 3 – 41 votes

This poll was given via our Facebook page, revealing the most anticipated game for 2012 is Grand Theft Auto 5. And I would have to personally agree. Rockstar Games’ premiere franchise is always something to get excited about. What surprised me, though, was the order of the next two.

Knowing you guys like I do, I surely thought the next Call of Duty would have beaten out Halo 4. I clearly misjudged you and I’d like to know why. Is it because a new CoD comes out every year and you’re finally getting sick of it? Is it because MW3 hasn’t been out very long and it’s still “new enough” for you? Is it because it’s been so long since you’ve seen your beloved Master Chief and can’t wait to kill Covees correctly? What is it? Leave a comment and let me know before I question even more about myself.

“Cideko Air Keyboard Conqueror” is a long and confusing name for a controller. Nowhere in the four-word-title is there anything alluding to the fact that it’s a sweet multiplatform gaming controller. So, just to make sure we’re clear: It’s a controller. It’s sweet. And you can use it for the PS3 and PC. We’ll get back to the gaming thing in a bit.

At its very core, the “Conqueror” (that’s what I’m unofficially, officially renaming it to) is a wireless keyboard/mouse combo. The USB AIR dongle—which stores within the controller body quite awesomely—just plugs into your PS3 or PC for easy setup and use. The full QWERTY keyboard, complete with function keys and everything else you’ll ever need, works great for web browsing and other light-to-medium typing duties. The motion sensing gyro mouse also works really well and completes a perfect setup for those with HTPC’s or those who like to kick back on the couch while browsing.

For gaming, the Conqueror worked better than expected. Playing through some of the more casual games in my Steam library, like Beat Hazard and Super Meat Boy, the dual analog stick controls, d-pad and face buttons all seemed responsive and even let me beat a few times in SMB—not saying it was the controller, but it surely didn’t hurt me. Not wanting to solely base my review on casual games, I switched over to my PS3 to try out some Battlefield.

You’ll all be very excited to learn (as I was) that the Cideko Air Keyboard Conqueror is compatible with KontrolFreek’s entire range of gaming products. This is good news, of course, and it’s been added to our controller compatibility guide which makes it official.

Things on the Battlefield went well. I was doing my thing and the controller didn’t miss a beat. The build quality and battery life is excellent and it feels really good in the hands. My only (minor) complaint is that the triggers aren’t perfectly positioned—but hey, neither are the DualShock3’s triggers and no one seems to care about that. I didn’t expect it to necessarily be a “performance” controller anyway; so I was pleasantly surprised it performed as well as it did.

For $99.99 the price of the Conqueror may induce some sticker shock at first—but once you take in to account that it’s replacing a mouse, keyboard and video game controller for PC and PS3, it all of the sudden doesn’t seem so high. Combine that with the fact that you can use your existing collection of FPS Freeks, and you’ve got yourself a winner.

I remember being a kid on Christmas. It was badass. Waking up, running to the tree, unwrapping “filler” gifts like socks and clothes, just hoping that the video game or console I really wanted was under there somewhere. It usually was; and I’d then spend the rest of the day playing it with my little brother, friends and other prepubescent family members that were over for Christmas dinner. It was the best day ever, renewed annually.

Now things are different. Christmas sucks. What used to be a happy and carefree day has turned into a series of annoying obligations that gets between me and my video games—renewed annually. Between hopping from place to place, celebrating Christmas like a desperate nomad, and not receiving any video games as presents from my “loved ones”, the magic has pretty much expired. I know some of you guys with wives or kids know what I’m talking about. But, what can you do?

Well, I’ll tell you what I’m going to do… I’m going to take Christmas back! I just need to figure out a brilliant plan for next year and then execute. Maybe I’ll purposely get excommunicated from the Catholic Church, or become Jewish but celebrate Christmas in secret away from my family. I don’t know yet—but something needs to be done before I go on a rampage and stab my entire family with sharpened candy canes.

Merry Christmas.

The new anti-piracy measure put in place by Croteam for their recent first-person shooter, Serious Sam 3: BFE is simple, effective and innovative. Those playing pirated copies of the game will sooner or later encounter a relentless, invincible arachnoid enemy who follows and beats the bejesus out of you until you eventually die and can no longer progress through the game. This, of course, is brilliant and hilarious to witness and it makes me think of other opportunities all over the place that developers are missing. For example:

Skyrim – A dragon voiced by Ray Romano who follows you around giving you a play-by-play of your actions. “Ooh look, your carryyying waaay to much treeaaasuuuurrree.”

Modern Warfare 3 – Replaces your competent team of military personnel with the cast of ABC’s The View.

Battlefield 3 – Game reverts back to the beta build.

These are just a few anti-piracy ideas off the top of my head but this concept could be used for just about every game I can think of. Can you think of any good ones? Tell us about it on our Facebook wall.

 

Last Sunday marked the end of the 2011 NASCAR Sprint Cup season and the end to Jimmie Johnson’s reign of five straight championships. In arguably the most exciting championship battle in NASCAR history, Tony Stewart edged out Carl Edwards for the Homestead Ford 400 victory AND the Sprint Cup trophy.

Tony “Smoke” Stewart’s performance during this race (and throughout the entire Chase, really) was an amazing feat of talent, determination and grit—and it’s something as a long-time NASCAR fan that will stick in my mind forever. He passed 118 cars (sometimes 3 at a time) on his way from the back of the pack TWICE after issues with his grill put him as far back as 40^th position. He dodged wrecks, debris and problems on pit road. He dodged raindrops and big picture uncertainties with his crew. He made his car work high, low and everywhere in between. It was like he was channeling Earnhardt and the luck of the gods.

Tony Stewart was already considered one of the sport’s top drivers… In my mind now, he has crossed over to “legend” status alongside names like Pearson, Petty and Stewart’s own hero, A.J. Foyt. Congratulations Smoke!